Day 17: The Fight Never Ends, It Just Changes

Here we are again. Personally, I couldn’t think of a better time to start re-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer than my birthday weekend which happens to coincide with the 20th anniversary of Buffy’s introduction to the TV world.

This time around I’ll be watching with a VERY different perspective. Last year I sought my annual re-watching of Buffy for comfort; to heal my breaking heart after a miscarriage. And this year, here I am now less than 10 weeks from welcoming a baby girl.

Today I began by explaining to the kicking baby in my belly that Buffy will be a cornerstone in her girl power education. She may not know it yet but I’m getting her started early… like in the womb early.

The more I anticipated starting season one, the more this one scene kept popping into my head. And that is why I love watching it every year – each time it shows me a new truth. Buffy is my spirit animal.

Allow me to explain…

In a year, I have managed to fight back from seeming defeat to almost willing this little girl into my life. And make no mistake, I fought fucking hard to get here.

I fought against society and time because I thought it was important to wait until I was ready to start a family; to wait until I found the right person. And when I did, I wanted to ensure we were financially stable enough to support that family. I fought for months and months to get that job.

Then together when we decided the time was now, I was told it had to wait. An unassuming trip to the OB/GYN hinted at a problem which was followed by a series of tests and procedures that led to a diagnosis of cervical cancer. Our entire plan for a family was suddenly in question but treatment was the priority. More fighting. Fighting the fear. Fighting to heal. Fighting to hope.

The fight didn’t stop there. With a clean bill of health, we started trying. Months and months go by – then pregnancy, miscarriage, infertility, medical intervention and no success. Still I’d fight; against society, setbacks, illness, my own insecurity – you name it – until I overcame. And somehow, I did.

I’m not saying I was brave. I’m saying there was no choice. As women, we rise to the occasion. We fight. We take on our emotions, our bodies, our responsibilities, our expectations, and the oppressive world around us. I fought hard to get here, but it only recently dawned on me that my fight is about to change in a major way. I won’t be fighting for the things I want anymore. I will be fighting for someone else and teaching her to fight. No doubt a lifelong battle. But I fought this long to get her here so I suppose fighting for her, for the rest of my life isn’t an insurmountable task. It is a challenge that I wholeheartedly accept.

I love this clip because Buffy is preparing to fight a God in epic fashion and the boy she saves, from what is in her mind a run-of-the-mill vampire, is in awe. He wonders out loud how she, a girl, could manage such a feat. She is unfazed because simple vampires are no longer her biggest threat; to her the real fight is yet to come.

There are small battles and epic wars that we will face in our lifetime. The struggle doesn’t end, it just changes. We must always have faith in the fight inside us to carry us through. Because we are girls and women and we are fucking tough.

So, no offense to the writers, but I’d like to offer an edit to this scene –

Boy: How did you do that?

Buffy: It’s what I do.

Boy: You’re, you’re just a girl.

Buffy: That’s exactly how.

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