Tarot Things

I’ve fallen off the rails! At first I was busy with family visits and I waited to write down my things until after they left. One day became five, turned into a week, then two. At that moment I still recited the denial mantra – “I will catch up… soon.” In a blink of an eye, three weeks had passed and I still hadn’t recorded my things. I started to feel bad about not being able to keep up. Then as with most things when I started to feel bad about it, I just ignored it. Four weeks. Work picks up, the cat gets sick. Five weeks. Shit.

Then one day when I was feeling particularly defeated – not just about my lack of journaling but also about life in general – I had a friend post on Instagram an image of her tarot reading. And I thought how I missed mine. I dug them out of a box in our garage and felt like I had outgrown this deck. So I went out and purchased a new one.

And this was my first reading…

cards

Let me break it down for you:

I’m a sensitive person who is heavily influenced by what’s going on around me. I struggle to stay grounded when I feel conflicted. And right now, there are some serious things pulling me in separate ways. So, I’m stuck. Which sucks because I continue to resist the situation in front of me – out of pure principle. Maybe all the options suck, maybe I don’t want to be the one to choose, maybe just feel everything is unfair. So, I feel hung up, strung out and fucked.

But it isn’t always like that – sometime before now, I had a clear vision and pursuit. It was awesome, and I was destined to do it. I’m not asking for the answer to all the world’s problems. All I really want is harmony – good things weighing out the bad – and peace of mind with myself and my choices. So, I need to get grounded; find the seed that begins something new. I’m at the bottom right now and the only way is up – if I make the concerted effort to rise. I tend to let external emotional entanglement get in my head and weigh me down. Could it also be that the harmony I seek is what I hope for AND fear? It might be….

In the end, I must quit blaming external factors for my internal struggle. I’ve got to take it easy on myself when I don’t measure up to the standard I set. Forgive. Breathe. Let it go. Get back on the damn horse and ride on.

Damn cards.

More things to come tomorrow. No make up. No catch up. Just getting back on it.

One thought on “Tarot Things

  1. Love this new deck, a little eerrie but cool. The cards have been a good guide for me lately. Hope you find your inner peace and harmony. A lot of times it comes from forgiving ourselves and moving forward, you got this!

    Like

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